An account of a victims experience
mini.me.hulk and the tribute to Lord Gnome In November 2007
I met mini.me.hulk in a dark and seedy club in Fairy-land. Apparently, there was going to be a party in there. I was a bit confused 2 weeks prior to the event as he had been e-mailing me and lots of other people, saying the person who originally came up with the idea was a lunatic and bitch etc etc (you know the spin) and to go to his party instead of hers, in fact an influx of e-mails ensued, something that would later become a familiar pattern. Well, it transpired that mini-me-hulk had stitched up the organiser and booked the club before she could, even though it was her idea, (what a cunt oh I've said it again) so naturally anyone who wanted to go to this historic building went to mini.me.hulks party (which was shit by the way) anyway... this is where I first met mini.me.hulk. He was short, had an over-generous sized chin, big forehead and hulk hair but with the beautiful addition of Nathan Barley’s personality.
He spoke some shit or other to me while I was briefly there before I left, more than pleased that I had visited the building.
A short while after that he asked me to help him on a new project associated with the club. Here we would pay tribute to a famous and most revered elder of the fairy-land community, Lord Gnome. Lord Gnome was the King of the little-people and it may have been this that led to mini.me.hulks rapidly growing obsession with him. So, the first few assignments started to come in. My first task was to write for mini.me.hulk as it transpired he couldn’t spell let alone compose his grammar properly. Next was to attend meetings on my own while he recovered from a hard night on pixie-dust and toadstool scrumpy. Securing any agreements also fell to me, as after a few months of continuous failure from mini.me.hulk it was quite clear I needed to let him recuperate and re-expose himself to some more gamma-rays or something while I cracked on with actually doing the job. I successfully got in the paperwork needed to start the big tribute without a green midget in sight. Along the way of mini.me.hulks apathy, he had managed to meet a cute pixie girl who went by the name of Kate Winslet apparently and according to him. This again kept him extremely occupied along with the massive consumption of fairy-dust and general hell-raising. You could say it had started to become a problem.
Mini.me.hulks mood swings are the stuff of legends. If he’d been up late dancing around toadstools you’d certainly know about it! As mini.me.hulks world started to get darker and crumble around him he got more abusive and generally rubbish. After some particularly gamma-overdose fuelled rants by e-mail, text and voicemail where he tore his baby-gap shirt off, I’d had enough. He saw an opportunity to take the credit and cut me out of the equation. I told him to stick his lengthy chin up his green arse at which point he roared at me down the phone saying “you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry”
but it came out really high pitched as he is only 4ft and he sounded like a cunt.
I then went it alone which caused him to rupture.
Across Fairy-land, people were reporting incidents of a strange little green hulky man roaring like Joe Pasqualé and shredding his adapted baby-gro into pieces.
Reports also came in of complete bullshit and empty promises following him like a disaster trail. Other elders who had agreed to help were also starting to close the specially converted door in mini.me’s horizontally challenged face, as they started to question his authenticity and suitability for the job. This made mini.me.hulk angry and you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry!
A renewed campaign was on its way by people that hadn’t been affected by an overdose of gamma rays. Mini.me.hulk spent days and evenings on his mobile-only internet, ranting, stalking,
A renewed campaign was on its way by people that hadn’t been affected by an overdose of gamma rays. Mini.me.hulk spent days and evenings on his mobile-only internet, ranting, stalking,
convincing anyone he could think of to take notice of him. He had already split up with Kate Winslet by this stage and was on the prowl again for another nubile young pixie. In fact he saw the opportunity to get female attention by claiming to still be working on the tribute to Lord Gnome. The bullshit and scrumpy flowed for a while as he convinced some new residents to Fairy-land that he was the man in charge. He was caught out on the day however, when he was seen being kicked out by Robin Gibbs huge minder and the bouncers at the club.
So, after months (getting onto a year) of harassment and stalking from this green midget hairball of a non-existent superhero, the memorial for Lord Gnome came to fruition. Mini.me.hulk contributed nothing apart from headaches.....
On a final note to this sad tale. A very good pat on the back to all who have worked hard and dedicated their time to making the night of the 15 feb 2009 take place, without their hard work and dedication it would never have taken place. well done to the real work force.
Please note that there is a height monitor on the door on the night in question so if you're under 4ft sorry you're not allowed in The Establishment on Sunday February 15th 2009
and look he even has a wiki entry
and after all that they mentioned my Name...... BASTARDS
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